"...the drugs dont work, they just make you worse..."

Ok - for those of a squeamish nature, turn away now - I am about to reveal various "medical issues" which might shock / offend. If you feel like this do not read ahead, you have been warned!

Now the warning has been made, lets talk about my body whilst on drugs and my current medical problems....

Over the past fortnight I have been in need of "further" medical attention i.e. what I am taking isn't enough on that day to deal with the pain. The first time round I was rushed into hospital given a very large dose of morphine and pethidine via injection and something else to make me not be sick from the large dose of morphine. The second time was yesterday when I lost the ability to actually get up out of bed. The doctor who came round gave me a large dose of Pethidine (100ml) via injection which finished me off. It enabled me to just about get to the toilet.

I am not going into detail what these drugs do or how they work (I am not too sure myself) but take a look on google at the following pages below. In my eyes (i.e. how they make me feel and pain relief aspects) morphine is slow to take effect and lasts for a while and pethidine take effect quickly and doesn't last for long. Pethidine is given in cases where pain relief is needed ASAP! In my case it was given because I don't have a lot of control over my "bodily functions" and I needed to get to the loo but just couldn't.
Pethidine = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meperidine
Morphine = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morphine

After each "emergency" issue, I have had my morphine dose increased. The first time I went from 30mg MST to 45mg MST. The second I went from 45mg MST to 60mg MST. So in the space of a fortnight I have doubled my morphine dose! I would like to say this though to people who think morphine is cool. Morphine is a dangerous substance - highly addictive and very potent. In regular medicine, it is the last drug to be given in the case of pain relief. Its because of its actions and its addictiveness that Morphine is a Class A substance in the UK. I would urge everyone to not use it unless they really really really have to. In my case, its helping me somewhat just get on with things. I wont deny that it gives me a buzz - but this buzz doesn't last long and what I really crave for is the pain relief. MST is a "slow release" version of morphine i.e. it takes ages to get into your system and stays there for 12hrs!

My back, at the moment, is getting worse - and I have to face the reality of what this means. At the time of writing this, I am just waiting to see if me loosing my bodily functions yesterday is going to happen again. The difference is that if it doesn't - then that's "ok" (whatever OK means!) and if it does, then I am going to be rushed into hospital under doctors instruction - which is bad! I am praying lots that it doesn't happen again suffice to say!!

Anyways, why am I telling this in my blog? Simple answer really - I feel I need to share with people whats REALLY going on in my life - it helps my state of mind. If you have read this far, I thank you!